#MotivationalMonday

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Are you HAPPY?

Habits That Quietly Steal Your Happiness- How to Take Your Joy Back.

I’ve learned the hard way that happiness doesn’t always slip away because of big, dramatic events. More often, it’s the small, everyday habits—the repetitive thoughts, the carried pressures, the roles we juggle, and/or the choices we make via muscle memory

that slowly steal our joy. These habits often feel normal or can even feel productive, but they quietly eat away at your emotional foundation, leaving us unstable.

The good news is…

Most of these habits and/or practices are reversible with awareness and intentional practice.

For years, I thought happiness was about chasing the next milestone: a degree, a promotion, the right relationships/associations, or a little more money in the bank. While

those things brought short bursts of satisfaction, they did not always sustain a state of peace or joy. It wasn’t until I started noticing the patterns that stole my joy that I began to understand that happiness isn’t just about what you add to your life, it’s also about what you choose to release or let go.

Here are some common mental/emotional habits, thought processes, and behavioral practices that can sabotage happiness. I’ve also suggested healthier choices to help you reclaim your peace and live more fully in your joy.

1. Constant Comparison

It’s easy to compare yourself to others, especially when social media bombards us with curated versions of other people’s lives. For women of color, there’s also the unspoken pressure to prove we belong, to be “twice as good” just to be seen as “enough”. That

comparison steals gratitude from the present moment.

Healthy Substitution: Practice daily gratitude. Gratitude roots you in your own blessings instead of measuring your life against someone else’s. Implement daily affirmations. Know your worth…consider your many accomplishments, both big and small.

2. Negative Self-Talk

The world already places unfair stereotypes and judgments on us. When we internalize those voices and tell them back to ourselves, it’s like pouring salt on open wounds. We can be our own worst critic which makes it harder to see our brilliance, value, and worth.

Healthy Substitution: Speak to yourself like you would to your best friend, your sister, or your daughter. Affirm your strengths. Replace “I’m failing” with “I’m learning” or “I’m growing.” Love on you!

3. Existing Everywhere But the Present

Generational trauma, financial stress, and systemic barriers can make it tempting to replay the past or worry about the future. But spending too much time in either direction robs us of the joy available “right now”.

Healthy Substitution: Practice mindfulness in simple ways by savoring your morning tea/coffee by sipping slowly, notice the rhythm of your breathing, your heartbeat, feel the ground beneath you, or take a moment to simply pay attention to detail (smells, sights, sounds, etc.) These little anchors keep you grounded and bring you back to the present.

4. Overcommitting

We often carry the weight of being caregivers, breadwinners, and community leaders all at once. Saying “yes” to everything may feel necessary, but it leads to burnout and resentment.

Healthy Substitution: Give yourself permission to rest. Set boundaries with love. Remember: saying “no” to what drains you is saying “yes” to your peace and purpose. Normalize putting your needs first.

5. Avoiding Your Emotions

We’re often told to “be strong” and to push through no matter what. Men, especially are sent this message early on in life. But hiding our sadness, anger, or fear doesn’t make them disappear. It blocks us from authentic joy.

Healthy Substitution: Honor your emotions. Journal them, share them in therapy, or talk with trusted loved ones. Naming your feelings is a powerful form of healing. It’s okay, to not be okay. Vulnerability is necessary for growth.

6. Chasing Validation

When your worth depends on being recognized at work, on social media, or even within your family, joy becomes fragile. We often feel unseen in spaces we pour ourselves into—but true happiness can’t depend on someone else’s acknowledgment.

Healthy Substitution: Root your worth in your values, not validation. Ask yourself: Did I show up with integrity today? Did I align with what matters to me? Self-Check-ins are essential! Hold yourself accountable.

7. Holding Grudges

Carrying resentment is heavy. And in communities of color, where we’ve experienced real hurt, personally and collectively, and can feel justified. Holding on robs us of peace and weighs us down.

Healthy Substitution: Choose forgiveness for yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the harm, however, it releases you from carrying the weight of it.

8. Perfectionism

We’re often told we must work harder, look polished, and achieve more just to be taken seriously. That pressure breeds perfectionism. No one is perfect. Perfectionism is stressful and definitely is a joy thief.

Healthy Substitution: Celebrate progress. Notice your growth. Let “good enough” be good enough sometimes. Joy lives in the journey, not in flawlessness. Your absolute BEST is the BEST you can give!

9. Neglecting Relationships

When you’re stretched thin, relationships often take a backseat to almost everything else. But connection is where joy thrives. For Black and Brown women especially, sisterhood and community are a historic part of how we heal and rise.

Healthy Substitution: Be intentional about nurturing “your people”. Call your best friend, plan family dinners, or connect with your faith community or church family. Healthy relationships and interactions are joy’s strongest roots. On the other hand, staying in unhealthy relationships can also rob you of joy, peace, and happiness, however, that’s a topic for another day.

10. Ignoring Self-Care

Skipping meals, losing sleep, and neglecting your body and spirit are habits that strip away happiness. For women(mothers), society often rewards our sacrifice but rarely honors our rest. Most of us can relate to the phrase “There’s no rest for the weary” or “A mother’s job is never done”. I am condemned by these very statements, as I type this at 4am.

Healthy Substitution: Reclaim self-care as a necessity, not a luxury. That might

mean a bubble bath, a full night’s sleep, lit candles and music, time connecting

with nature, meditation/prayer, or simply giving yourself permission to pause.

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Psalm 16:11(NIV)

Final Thoughts

The world doesn’t always give us permission to rest, to be vulnerable, or to simply be.

That’s why protecting our joy and peace isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. It’s resistance, it’s

healing, and it’s how we honor ourselves and the generations that came before us. It’s

building the kind of life where you can thrive, not just simply exist or be in the constant

state of “survival mode” on autopilot.

We should plan the course, feel all the feels, enjoy the ride, and arrive on

purpose, with purpose!

Joy is resistance. It’s your birthright. It begins with letting go of the habits that drain us

and embracing the practices that restore us.

“Little by little, day by day, step by step, you can make space for peace, gratitude,

and joy—the kind that isn’t shaken by circumstances but rooted in who you truly

are. Start today. Your future self will look back with pride and gratitude that you

did.”

-My Mother and Hero

-Shanika

Questions for reflection and/or journaling.

Did you find this helpful? Journal and Meditate on how you can identify and start to use healthy substitutions?

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